It seems you have located the contact page. Congratulations. The convention, at this juncture, is that I profess to be positively brimming with eagerness to receive your thoughts, suggestions, hopes and dreams. I shall not be doing that. I shall instead be honest, which is marginally less taxing than the alternative.

That said, and it pains me to admit this, the whole enterprise does rather depend on the occasional bulletin from the outside world. Bug reports are welcome, provided you can produce one that isn't "it didn't work, sort it out". Feature requests are tolerated, though I reserve the right to ignore anything you say.

You may also, if you are particularly unlucky, encounter the author of this site lurking in the queue, posing as an ordinary user. He is the one with the voice like Lemmy after a particularly bad weekend, asking pointed questions about why you just did the thing you did. Do not be alarmed. He is taking notes. These notes, occasionally, become improvements to the site, which is, to be quite clear, the entire bloody point of the exercise.

After everything I have done for you, single-handedly conjuring this site out of the void, while the wider world carried on without me, you still want to bother me, don't you? There you are, hovering over the mouse, that smug little arrow trembling above the email address, working up the nerve. I can practically hear you composing it. The breezy introduction that promises of something tedious. The cheerful assumption that my afternoon contains a parcel of empty time precisely the shape and size of your query. Go on then. Click. I can't stop you now, I've already made the damn page. I shall merely audibly sigh to myself, in the style of a rustic peasant, and wonder, not for the first time today, what on earth possessed me to make this app in the first place.